She naturally loved solitary places, vast views, and to feel herself for ever and ever and ever alone.I used to believe that the only way I could change was if I had a peak experience, or a nervous breakthrough, or won a noisy battle with a relentless pattern. This emphasis on dramatic transition was a reflection of my dramatic early life, one where nothing ever seemed to happen subtly. But I was wrong. Some transitions do have to happen in the heart of intensity, but not all do. In fact, many cannot happen that way- the drama just intensifies the armor that surrounds the pattern. Instead, some patterns transform slowly, carefully, subtly over time. We unravel one thread, then another, then another, until the structure melts into the next way of being on our path. So much happens in the quiet within. So much.
She is water.
powerful enough to drown you
soft enough to cleanse you
deep enough to save you.
I’ve been fishing, and can’t catch a bite. I’ve been praying, ain’t seen that light. I’ve been searching, high to the low. I’ve been working, working, working myself to the bone. Now my skin starts crawl I’m gone tear down these walls, if I don’t get out. I’ve lost heaven to hell and I know very well I’m gone get it back. There’s just this waiting game and I don’t know how to play. It’s enough of a fight staying alive, anyway.
One must die for another to live.
Rest in peace to six years.
Happy Birthday, Genesis.
The beginning of where it all ended.
I tried to make a home outta you.
But doors lead to trapdoors. A stairway leads to nothing.
I tried to change, closed my mouth more.
Tried to be soft, prettier.
Slowly did not speak another word.
I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God.
If this what you truly want, I can wear her skin…over mine.
Her hair, over mine.
Her hands as gloves.
Her teeth as confetti.
Her scalp, a cap. Her sternum, my bedazzled cane.
We can pose for a photograph. All three of us, immortalized.
You and your perfect girl.
I don’t know when love became elusive. What I know is no one I know has it.
Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me?
Everyone else can.
So what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me?
Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted, most bomb pussy, who because of me, sleep evaded. Her shroud is loneliness.
Her God is listening. Her heaven would be a love without betrayal.
Ashes to ashes…dust to side chicks.
She sleeps all day…dreams of you in both worlds.