Vacay

Its time to grow.

Deactivated my social media accounts. Nothing more than nonsense, negativity and hate crimes live there.

For the next few *insert time length* I’m going to be all about building personal friendships, building character and coding! In other words, being alone at home when I’m not working.

Probably won’t be writing anymore either, not publicly anyway.

So I’ll basically be off the grid.

As they say, time flies when you’re having fun.

No, I Love You More…

“even
in the loneliest moments

i have been there
for myself.”

ME: My fear of no one ever loving me enough to stay with me forever kills vibes and manifests sins far more deeper than insecurities.

Person: Your fear is real but you can’t count on someone to always love you. This is why you got to love yourself.

ME: Yeah, loving yourself is where we start but finding a love that compliments yours should be how we finish. What happened to “love is all we need,” cause we can stop wars and start orgies. Fuck it. I believe loving yourself is such a lonely concept on how to live in such an evil world. I’ve built my home on love.

Person: Then find this love you want.

ME: *grins* Isn’t love supposed to find you?

“We cannot decide to love. We cannot compel anyone to love us. There’s no secret recipe, only love itself. And we are at its mercy–there’s nothing we can do.”

Person: Love is what you make of it. The fear of never having someone to truly love is stupid; you’re only keeping yourself from love.

ME: Nah, that’s not it at all my dear. See, I give love and in the same rhythm, I get love. The problem is, it’s never equal. I always love more because I live by love, escape to love but love always runs from me.

“I’m saying that I’m a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you’re okay with that, because it’s who I am, and you’re what I need.”

Person: Maybe you give too much.

ME: Honestly, I give nothing more than love.

“They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind that cuts you loose like a wildfire and you can’t stop running simply because you keep on burning everything that you touch! I say that’s a good love; one that burns and flies, and you run with it!”

I’m too poetic for this shit.

I’ll leave this right here.

Made in You a New

Exhort yourself and form a new you.
A new flesh, a new being.
She said her skin felt dirty, smudged with sorrows and filled with gloomy memories.
Her dreams told of her past and her pain forced her into a better future.
She wasn’t ready to “grow up”.
Her daddy called her Princess and her mom held her as she cried.
“I’m fighting for a life to live, I refuse to just be black and die!”
Did I forget to mention she lost her name?
Her identity, her understanding of who she was and where she belonged.
She was a suspect in society, wrongfully condemned because of opposition.
She was sin.
She was all uncleanness from within.
She was poison but the cure stood right beside her, as death trailed also around her.
She was a lost soul.
But as she cried out, one last time, a voice called after her…
“It’s not over my child. Get up.
I am your Strength.
You are beautiful.
You are powerful.
You are whole.
You are generous.
You are confident.
You are blessed.
You are unstoppable.
You are determined.
You are blessed.
You are many wonderful things.
Above all you are a masterpiece of me, God.
Trust in me, for I have never left you.”

Assez

The sad thing is, nobody ever really knows how much anyone else is hurting. We could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn’t even know it…but maybe I do expect too much.

I value people’s views concerning me. Simply, I cherish to the entire capacity, each individual connection built with the people that surround me.

I’m known to wear my confidence boldly on my sleeves; yet, somehow still fall short of my own standards, contradicting myself by feeling so insecure. My mom always told me: be mindful of how you carry yourself, it is the biggest impression you can ever-present to someone. Sure mom but is it sad to say I regularly feel as if I fail people in numerous ways; that most days I feel inadequate or unacceptable? 

Someone said to me today, “why isn’t anything good enough for you?” Stunned and taken aback by the revelation of ever having a need to identify things as “enough”, I grinned amused by this person’s assumptions of my standards.

I coexist inside the mind that is possessed by this body but through her eyes, I do not see. With her limbs, I can not feel. I exist only where there are trees. I live in clouds above the seas. A little less hate, it’s love she needs. Please don’t leave, come and stay, she pleads. Her mind is dark, blood drips down her sleeves. I do not exist, I can not feel her needs. To her, darkness is bliss, inside she bleeds. So what is enough, when love misleads.

Enough of what really? Things aren’t consistent enough, to maintain a healthy balance. Am I the only one who enjoys having a comfortable pattern, but life itself isn’t made to be that way. I understand. Momma also said: when everyone in your life is at peace, things flow easier.

I’m sorry.

Tell me, is wanting to enclose your heart in the walls of my love, where you will never walk alone, enough?

Being Good to Yourself

When was it okay to self destruct in the middle of a revolution?

Isn’t it better to keep pushing, keep fighting and aiming for the better part of the battle rather than slump and waddle in our own misery?

Fine, I agree, we all need a moment to suppress it all BUT pick your chin up, stick that ass out and stride like the Queen you are. We don’t need Kings, they need US.

Keep in mind that every curve we possess, are what they watch (like dogs) to sway and walk their way. We rule this world. It is the age of the WOMEN. Take this ship over and lets get ice cream.

When was it okay to miss what we never had?

Hope for what we’ll never receive?

Make this vow to yourself, you can do better and WILL be better.

Now shake that shit off and throw them the hell off.

Insane Love

I’m a little nuts,
but he loves me.
When I fuss, and may slip, and cuss,
he still loves me.
When I cry till my eyes puff and dry,
he wraps me in his arms and smiles,
whispering that he loves me.
I can’t see his face but as his child I am graced,.
My God.
My King.
Oh, my daddy loves me.