I wanted to touch him, as he laid there. I wanted to consume him wholly; to lose myself in his being, covering myself in his light.

And although my ears were bleeding, I kept listening and watching the way his mouth moved because he told me everything I needed to hear. Everything you didn’t say.

Because the fact is that saying and doing are two completely different things. You said you cared but I showed it. I proved it. I made promises I could keep.

Again and again I ate my wishes and swallowed my dreams. I bit my lip and punished my pride.

There is no need to glorify the pain of unrequited love. There is no beauty in the way they always reach past you towards someone better. It can only mean that to them, dandelions are weeds that blow away in the wind, fulfilling the wishes of others, never their own.

Never Forget..

Originally posted on Xavier Jane's Blog:

I’ll never forget..
Forget the way she looked at me, eyes piercing, seeking some understanding when all of me was already given to be understood. Never..with the way she would touch my skin, tease me with the smallest kiss, push me away when my body urged forward for her lust.
Forgetting the passions we once shared, seeking to relive them with a new sense of excitement. Never forgetting what it means to please her, so that she may always seek to remember.
Never forget just how to love her. Wither it be by the simplest kiss or the gentlest words or vice versa, she knows.
I will never forget..as long as she remembers our love.

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He Meets I, We Meet Us

i feel those butterflies again…

but if i ought to be happy, why does this feel like sin?

i became the storm and as he clears my skies, it is i he calls “sunshine“.

told him, “i‘m broken but i’m ready to be fixed.” 

told me, “that man doesn’t know what he’s missed. your soul is so pure and your heart is of gold, you are a Queen no matter what you’ve been told.”

told him, “sure, but i fear for me ‘love’ doesn’t exist. this feeling is unbearable, it’s too hard to dismiss.”

he smiled, as if he could seal the deal with an unsanctioned kiss, said, “i promise to be all that he couldn’t achieve – to save you, love you but you must have faith and remove yourself from this pain you grieve.”

and i believe him…

because i have to, cause i can’t have you but he’s no fool, God sent him as proof and he’s no you…

so i’m happy.

i think it’s important to realize you can miss something but not want it back.

that the last time was the last time…

no leaks in my heart, no cravings, no midnight cries for you to slow my panic attacks.

this time around i make vows to myself, to love me in all my forms, never forgetting who i am or what i want.

to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry me to the darkness, i will always find a way back to the light.

to trust in me but most importantly, trust in what feels right.

Lose to Win

Have you ever needed someone so bad
But he ain’t willing to make it last?
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.
If it makes you cry, cry, cry
And all you do is fight
Can’t get no sleep at night
Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.


Its time to grow.

Deactivated my social media accounts. Nothing more than nonsense, negativity and hate crimes live there.

For the next few *insert time length* I’m going to be all about building personal friendships, building character and coding! In other words, being alone at home when I’m not working.

Probably won’t be writing anymore either, not publicly anyway.

So I’ll basically be off the grid.

As they say, time flies when you’re having fun.