Some days, she has no idea how she’ll do it.
But every single day, it still gets done.
‘Why do you change your number so often?’
It’s just a way of me letting go. Each change, people get left behind.
‘What people? The ones that don’t exist.’
People nowadays are all about self. If I could take back parts of me I’ve given to people, I would in a heartbeat. If it’s meant to be, they’ll find their ways back into my life.
I tried to drink it away. I tried to put one in the air . I tried to dance it away. I tried to change it with my hair . I ran my credit card bill up. Thought a new dress would make it better. I tried to work it away. But that just made me even sadder. I tried to keep myself busy. I ran around in circles . Think I made myself dizzy. I slept it away, I sexed it away . I read it away. I tried to run it away. Thought then my head be feeling clearer . I traveled 70 states . Thought moving round make me feel better. I tried to let go my lover. Thought if I was alone then maybe I could recover . To write it away or cry it away. Don’t you cry baby. But it’s like cranes in the sky. Sometimes I don’t wanna feel those metal clouds . Yeah, it’s like cranes in the sky . Sometimes I don’t wanna feel those metal.
She searches for her abuser unconsciously in everyone she loves….maybe that’s why she stays when they deminish her character; pain is all she knows.
Then I realized, we were no longer Merideth and Derek; vows on a piece of paper. We evolved. We fought. I broke. You gave up. Then a baby happened. Somehow I became April and you, Jackson.
“At this moment there are six billion, five hundred and two million, eight hundred and sixty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty people in the world, give or take a few and sometimes all you need is one. For better or for worse.”
I just want my bestfriend back.
Sometimes it’s not the mouth that needs to speak, sometimes to hear the words, we just have to listen to each other’s heartbeats.
I visit memories like a stairwell in a highschool during bathroom breaks.
i almost did it. i almost sent that text. i almost drafted another email. i need to know how you are. i need to hear your voice, something that sounds familiar besides the one i play over and over from the voicemail you sent two years ago. i need to remember you. i stumbled upon some text posts. i don’t know how i did but i did. written by someone who could have been you, missing someone, falling in love with another…it torn me apart because i knew there was no way it could be you. everyone keeps saying you’ve moved on. traveling now. this is torture. i loved you with everything within me. i still do. and now i’m better. i’ll listen. i’ve learned. teach me. i won’t argue. i won’t fight. i just want you. i want our future. i can’t pray the love away anymore. god won’t allow me to forget you. no matter how many times i beg to. i miss you. i want you to tell me everything: where have you been? who have you met? are you still eating when you’re hungry? i swear almost did it. i almost broke down again. was this the sign? call me. or even text me. please. it’s been one year, sixty-three days, twenty-two hours, three mins…but who’s counting. i’m ready.
sing me to sleep like you use to.
have no absolute
how awfully tired
to wake up
to the whispers
of the morning wind
of your voice.