I’d feed on you if I could. As a succubus does her prey; intimately luring their minds, compromising their hearts and devouring their vessels. A place that is no longer a temple for God but a playground for the damned. Feed me your hearts desires and I shall birth in your name, a future scorned by a million men. A child so elegantly cunning yet reeking of mischief and madness. Poisoned by infectious diseases, plagued by broken hearts. I will birth a child of brokenness, a child full of hate, damnation and of curses. A child who only lives to hate. One meant to give you a taste of your own medicine. Let me feed on you. Let me take from you all of which you despise, envy or secrets you hide from the world. Give your scars to me and I will pass it along to our children. Let them sort your sorrows. Let them represent how you have treated women, torn them apart and have subdued them. Let me give birth to your own mistakes, your choices. You are the foundation. Let me show you.
It’s unrealistic and unconventional but it is our reality. Why do we hold on to and love what repulses us? Why do we accept what we morally renounce? Where do we disconnect? Where do we lose ourselves? What causes us to project from who we truly are within a being we do not desire to conform to be. How do we take on forms of unfamiliarity? What causes sin?
He couldn’t see her face. Blocked by the sheets, she curled underneath with her untamed hair. She was invisible. ‘Princess,’ he called to her, hoping her body would react to the sound of his voice or her skin would tickle from the heat of his breath. She didn’t stir. Too driven by sleep. She loved to sleep. ‘It’s the only other peace I have when I don’t have you,’ she’d say when they were apart.
Lifting the sheet enough to graze the bronze of her skin. He began placing butterfly kisses on the nape of her neck, her heart pounded like drums in the middle of East Africa. Mmm. She groaned hints of pleasure hidden behind the anguish that spoke plainly on her hidden face. ‘Let me see you,’ he begged. Her leg found the space in between his thighs, rubbing her toes down towards his, finally peeling over. Speaking nothing. ‘S’il te plaît, je t’en supplie,’ victoriously his love language conquered the war, but as if he cursed at her she swiftly jolted towards him. ‘How dare you awaken the beast!’ lunging at him and nipping at his ear, joy erupted within him stemming from him like branches on a tree. Awake and mine.
Resting her head on his chest, he quietly studied her. The love of his life, she was…is. In this airy space of time, it was hard to tell where his mind ventured. Unable to guarantee a future but wanted to be her home, he knew he would only disappoint her. Yet he feared to lose her. Allowing her to fantasize and speak of a life in which he couldn’t bear fruit, one they’d had countless bickerings and sleepless nights. The same one they’d spoken on a sunset ago but now the sun had finally risen and decision day sprung on them without warning. It felt too soon but in their hearts, they understood all things good had a deadline.
‘Je ne peux pas t’épouser et je suis désolé’, the words escaped from his lips without permission. Her body laid still, stiff and unresponsive he felt her die tragically upon him. His skin became damp, tears attacked his chest and stung like a million bees. He loved her too much to hold her captivate. Love made him lose her. But as any true love, it never dies.
I’ve realized I’m molding you into the man I hoped you would have been when we first met. Maybe our love was meant to teach and not to conquer the world. Maybe our matching scar was only meant to be a reminder of what could have been, not what’s destined. I haven’t told you about him yet but I know he’ll be known soon. For this, I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.
I am the consolation between pain and wholeness, brokenness and love, where peace meets forgiveness. I am ready. I’ve been waiting for you my love so that I can sit on your lap and tell you stories of memories I’ve trapped inside my mind. Memories I play over and over and over again, to keep voices in tune may they never be forgotten. I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve kept parts of me locked away behind a door in the basement with padlocks and bolts, chained across the brim down to the footing. Waiting to release the goods and unleash my best self like a virgin to her forbidden sinner. I’ve been waiting. So here we are, ready together. ME. YOU. US. Welcome home.
I think I understand why they say, time heals all wounds. Time is the epitome of selfishness, waiting for no man. It’s so limited that even feelings within its brace are meant to fade as soon as life leaves from a fallen body. As slow as time feels to be moving, it’s speeding right past us to the finish line. And quite frankly nothing will wait for me; not even love. So I have to keep going as swift as time. I have to shine brighter than anyone could have ever imagined. I’m next. I’m not runner up, second best, I’m winning. I’m in the lead. I am next. Seven months.
She looks to me with eyes that gives way to the sight of a damaged soul.
Eyes that have seen and recorded the experiences of her life that have then such damaged.
Experiences that she has locked away to the saving of her soul.
Locked away but yet seems to be the eternal torment of her mind.
A mind that is tormented with every passing night.
With every passing night her restless body finds no peace.
Peace is what she so desperately needs as her body sways with fatigue.
A body that suffers in every possible disposition as her mental collides with her physical.
She looks to me and my resolve stands true.
True to the hope of the future we will build together.
A future built by the love that we have shared and will continue.
Shared in a partnership that we have made with our union to never be unbroken.
As one we stand against the wilds of her experiences, memories that taunt her so.
Unlocking, removing together the torments of her mind.
With each passing day we will grow stronger.
Finding the peace that is so desperately needed.
Finding the peace and gaining the strength to endure all.
With our bodies as one, no more suffering only serenity.
A bliss that can only be found in the love that we share.
I will be a part, do my part to end all mental and physical disparities she may encounter.
For as she looks to me, I am hers to look to.
I think the older I get, the more I realize that the ultimate luxury is time.
whispers your name
It’s important you know you matter to me. That as we sleep alongside one another, the longing to be awoken by your stirs fulfills me more than my nightly escape to my dreams. I’ve found my resting place in you. I once believed our love was created for me to forget. I’m now sure our love is here so I can heal. And when I wake up and you’re inches too far, I’ll continue to wrap my limbs around you.