Toxic Love

I sent it.

The six words that has my heart racing faster than a laced spliff.

My breathing jagged.
My stomach cramping with anxiety.
You’ll probably take a few hours to respond. Probably won’t respond at all. Normal things, the new you does. Your choice. Guess its better that way anyway.
Eight months and counting; half a year and two months is how long you’ve forced me to be without you – for you.
I’m not worried. More like afraid to face reality. Afraid to let go of hope. Afraid to face the truth. Afraid to face my fears of losing you…all over again.
You’ll never get it. Won’t understand that you were those things for me; hope, dreams, love, my inspiration. All the things I am for myself but together we were a team.
I know I’m the catch, therefore, I can’t chase you but truth is, I know I’ve already lost you. Rather you’ve changed so much, you’ve lost yourself and that’s what this search is really about.
You’ve let go of me and now everyone I meet I see some part of you and I hate them. Fearing them because another four years will go past and they’ll leave me like it’s nothing, only to fall in love with themselves while I try to fix what drove them away.
And I’ll sit at a distance, watching them live…no need to call me, text me or miss me because apparently, my love is toxic.
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