You can never understand what is not able to make sense; trying to do so is impossible and you’ll only become insane.
It’s been a long few days, I stress the word LONG. These days have seemed to overwhelm me like a burst of energy supplied by a streaming hot cup of coffee.
For these past few months I’ve been conducting my own theory; many cases of trail and error.
Results? Well I’ve seemed to fail each time but still managed to channel my miserable impulsive insane inner-being, hoping for a changed result.
I’ve discovered that most people only seek the skin I’m in instead of the heart that beats within it. My nights end in a constant battle conflicting thoughts of those who seem right against the one who stands in front of me. There, in my thoughts I realized that I was spending all my time looking for what was wrong hoping it was everything and more.
Can a soul be broken?
What’s written on my left hand ring finger (love) is what I seek, what I’ve got, what I need. All I need, right?
I hate to feel used, abused and played especially when all I feel is what I’ve told you. I hate to feel scammed, lead on, or raped by words only because you don’t know what it is that you want. Then again there lies the truth; what you want from me is not all of me but only what can be touched, felt and squeezed. How could I ever want what once felt right but now doesn’t fit.
Trail and Error.
Our realities are based on proximity and emotions; not just looks, that caused feelings. There’s more to that.
You can’t confuse love with hate nor fake desires built off images and words said to make you feel so strongly about something that’s not really there.
It’s complicated. Stress pounds my mind and I ponder through emotions trying to figure out which way to turn without hurting what was originally created.
If broken, can you repair a soul?
Hypothetically, do you need me? Do you start to feel weak if you can’t see or speak to me for days on end? Am I your fix? Am I what makes sense to you? Can you function without me? Have you ever tried to?
My answers are simple.
I need you.
I feel weak.
You are my fix.
You make sense.
Functioning doesn’t exist without you.
Yes, I’ve tried.
So why the trail and error?