Bye For Now

I’m in Calculus attempting to pay attention but I can’t. My mind is more focused on how you are with therapy and such; you haven’t called, probably busy with recovery. There’s so much on my mind, beyond you, and I figured the best way to reach you would be here. Hi.

I have two jobs now, yes, school is still in the picture. About now you’d smile and I’d say, I’m growing up and need the money to make my life a little easier. You’d agree and I’d smile.

Planning on getting a car, I’d say with the desperate need and urgency in my eyes. That smirk you’d smirk and say something that showed you’re wealth, something I’ve never been interested in. Like, why don’t you just ask? I’d ignore it.

We’d talk about the simple things such as: how long it’s taking you to get better? Why so long? Why don’t you call? Are we moving on? All of which would make us question all that we feel in that exact moment.

And soon, without a warning, you’d rise to leave, kiss me on the cheek and tell me to keep safe. That you’re always watching over me even when I don’t see you. I’d shake my head and say, that’s not your job anymore, he does it better than you ever will. You’d frown inside knowing its true but peak a smile outside and say, I love you.

In my heart, I whisper it back but bye for now, is all I’d say.

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