I’m afraid to get up and go downstairs and pee because I may be told things I don’t want to hear so I lie here pretending that you are lying with me. In reality you’re not and I’m waiting patiently as time pass for you to text me back 30 mins from now saying something sweet that makes me feel bubbly and good inside. Blah, it won’t happen. Besides that I think I’m fine, just a little selfish and unrealistic but I’ve kept my demons in check lately. Yesterday, I almost broke a finger out of bad luck and I had one of those, I-have-so-much-to-tell-you days which turned into i-guess-you’ll-never-know because we never really spoke and I didn’t get to share. For the last two nights I’ve replaced you with guys who could fill your slot in easing me to sleep and it helped, actually it worked. Honestly, I’m so sick of being so dependent all the time. How sad does this sound, I need you to sleep? Hell, sometimes I even need you to function but we both know I can’t always have you and that should be understood. You’re happy and I’m honestly trying to accept that. It’s just so weird because when their around I feel so unneeded, unimportant and I know you don’t see them often so I accept that for you this is needed, not like I have a choice. Funniest part to me is, they didn’t even care to meet me lol they just wanted you and I was just a new face they’ll forget when they return home. Anyway, what more is there to say this is a sad relationship. We both have work and when you get home, I’ll probably be too drugged up to care if you call. I shouldn’t miss you so much; frankly, I shouldn’t miss you at all because you’re not gone but it feels like we haven’t spoken in days.