Confusion of Love

 It’s always the same with him. If it’s not about his feelings, or the lack there of, it’s about something sensual. I used the one word I knew he despised against him. Why? Because it fit. Sometimes I feel so lost within nothingness. It’s sad because I do often question on my part if it is him I want and at times my mind tells me no only because he is not who I imagined myself to be with. We’re still young. Young, yes, but I’m afraid the puppy love stage is far gone and my mind is trapped in questions about my future. Don’t get me wrong, I love him but love is such a far stretched word that even I don’t know what the true meaning of my it is. If we define love to be a fondness, that I do have for him. Affection? I do posses for him. Passion? Yes. But love is a “unselfishly loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.” Who on earth can really pledge their lives to say they have a pure unselfishly loyal concern for another but God. 

Honestly, I don’t know but I do know that I have unanswered questions. I just wish I understood you, knew you but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I fail to differentiate the feelings of lust and love. I fail to understand if I love you or just love the idea of having the opportunity to love someone like you. 

If you know me well enough, you should already know the answer.


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