She can still see you standing there waiting.
Waiting for her to tell you to go or to come closer, which ever one made you want her more,
For you to motion towards her just to feel your soft hands caress her smooth face or for the feel of your lips pressing against hers.
She can still see you standing there waiting,
As she watches you close your eyes and speak those words you use to speak to calm her down, as if they uttered from the brim of your soul,
“I love you, more than anyone else on this earth. I love you the way God loves his sinful sons and daughters, so much that He died for them, for us. I love you like Adam loved Eve, enough to sin for her; with her. That only explains a little of how much I love you.”
She believed you.
She caved in because those words felt like a love sung by blue birds on bright Sunday mornings.
Words she wanted to mix with physical sins which was a combination of restless nights emerged in your arms and damaged bed heads, messy rooms and broken shards of glass that the maids you hired would have to tend to.
She loved you,
Loved you profoundly because you told her that you felt the same and showed that love with roses and shopping sprees, pouring your soul to her through all that you could give, you wooed her.
You showed her that love could exist beyond kisses and gifts but with words and passion so deeply engraved in the hearts, souls and minds of any human being.
She thought your love was deep.
She thought you would live together forever, not knowing that forever was a long time in a world that had a countdown to self depletion,
She wished to have kids together,
Or to build a life, home and greater love together,
To sin gracefully without clarity, but by will,
It all made sense to her, until you hit her.
The pain stoke her mournfully that she felt it scrap the edges off her heart and punch holds into her soul but you’d say those words and her love for you would return like how stars reappeared each and every night,
“I love you like angels love their maker. I love you more than slaves loved their freedom from the lashes from the whips, from the hoping and the praying that their Masters would feel ashamed of themselves and finding enough mercy to set them free.”
Those words you would speak had her weak and confused for days at end and although she knew a love like this wasn’t bliss but sin and pitiful lies, she still stood with you ashamed and afraid that she could not find a better love than the one you presented her.
What kind of love made you watch cruel insane unjustified and humiliating behaves against strangers?
This sickening love would only spit in the faces of our elders and ancestors that paved a way for the millions that have the right to stand tall in humanity.
This love was the epitome of discomfort,
The complexity of depiction,
The core of self destruction.
You became the reason why she despised the sight of her image in the mirror,
Of why her body felt like the temple for sin and not of Holy ground for Christ Himself.
She felt like she had to give in to all that you were asking of her, all that you were trying to rip from her but she knew better and yet could not escape,
Until she found peace in the midst of the storm,
A path away from the burns, bruises and curses you swayed upon her,
Beyond the lies and the gifts that you tried to buy her with.
She knew better, therefore, she found better and pushed you as far away from her as the Almighty God she once believed in found mercy for her and allowed her to push,
You became her past but still haunted her with nightmares, restless nights with tears, aches and memories of how you made her feel worthless,
Still searching for higher peace, she holds on tighter to her new and true love,
To the one she replaced you with and although he has yet to understand what you have done to her, he still holds on to her and embraces her with all his might,
Trying to find ways to console her, without her pushing him away because of you and what you done to her,
But the battle is almost over, no more words that you speak will bring her back into your world,
Back into the slaps and pinches, nor the screams and resentment because she has pushed you away.
As your words begin to fade and mornings become brighter with him to share them with, she smiles flawlessly without you,
You have become her past and although her insecurities haunt her like a dark twisted joke on Halloween night, she still hangs on to faith and him, because he has become the better half of her and for him, she is the better half of him.
Just like you wouldn’t give a book to someone who doesn’t know how to read, don’t give your heart to someone who doesn’t know how to love because true love doesn’t require abuse, gifts, money nor words that mean nothing; but true love exist by first learning to love yourself and sharing that love with someone who truly deserves it.