Gaps

Things started connecting in my head. I don’t know of what they meant or how they were relevant but words, memories, scents; they all started connecting. It’s foggy, looks more like smoke but with moist and without scent. I’m crammed on a public bee-line bus, reading a book that strikes my interest more than my life right now. That’s a lie. This book just fills gaps this life can’t seem to fill but my life has its own way of filling up. Jerome Ave and 233rd, a block I see everyday except for three. I see people with long smooth hair, smelling people with deliciously intoxicating scents, its a routine. I always one of those, now I have one and I wish I could go back to not knowing what to do next.  It’s almost 8am but I’m not rushing. Thoughts float in my head of the sins I’m committing, the wrongs I’ve done, the words I’ve spoken, the things I’ve seen. We all live a life with gaps, don’t we. A life that we build around memories we choose to keep, allowing the memories that harm us to disappear into the gaps we create. Maybe I should whisper a prayer, I don’t know. Right now, all I need are these thoughts, this book and another gap.

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