Where do you begin to change yourself to pamper the minds and hearts of others? I know, it’s a silly question because right you may think, “why change yourself for someone other than yourself?”. For that, I have no answer. Honestly, I’d say, “Screw you, I’m not living for you nor you’re acceptance.”
It’s hard, this feeling of not being enough or being too much; the feeling of not knowing where to stand or how you’re being viewed from the outside. Certain things bother me. I’ve already explained them, too lazy and frustrated to think of them all to explain again. Thoughts are flying throw my head, thoughts about “being better,” “losing friends,” “not having enough friends,” “having too much to think about,”. Sometimes I wish you knew so that I wouldn’t have to tell you. Sometimes I wish it made sense and everything was a perfect as before. I just hate it all. Fuck.
Why do people believe that by trying to guide someone in the right path will prevent them from making the same mistakes they did in the past? How is that fair? I understand you have made past mistakes, you have traveled down a road you would prefer your loved ones to stray away from but why not allow us to make our decisions, feel our own pain, live our own lives? It’s appreciated, knowing that you care enough to want to guide us astray from your past mistakes but by doing so, I believe that’s what braces us in the opposite direction. As if we strive to make those mistakes to feel how it felt for you but to allow ourselves to grow strong, maybe even stronger. Let us experience it all for ourselves.
I don’t know how to begin changing into someone I’m not or molding into someone everyone thinks I should be.