Its different when you’re in the middle of something but I’m in the middle of three things, three many different things. I feel sick, standing in a line at the post office and my body feels like its going to collapse without warning. A guy to my left, keeps looking at me and some retarded old guy with a pink, white and green hat keeps trying to hand me a pink slip with his number on it. I feel sick. I keep checking my car to make sure that it doesn’t get ticketed and my mind is filled with things I’m not allowed to speak to anyone expect for… Its bad, this feeling I mean, my stomach is turning and I feel like I’m in a constant battle with my thoughts and actions. I just want to sit down. My mind is taking in all the sounds and all the movements that I think I’m going to panic, I can’t stop shaking. People in line are becoming frantic, running late for work or just impatient, like me. My fingers keep demanding me to write so I do, I don’t know of what but I just write hoping that I can find an answer for what I’m unconsciously searching for. The old lady says good morning and the day begins, the line starts moving. Next in line, can I help you? I’m just here to pick up mail, one package. I want to call him, to hear his voice or kiss his lips or something, I need him. I need a pill, the ones I use to get to ease my nerves; the one he use to give me to feel good and forget all the bad. The one that doesn’t exist anymore. You have me but do you understand me? I hope bc this is a hard life to live without all the love to get or give.
P.S. The persistent dude followed me to my car and handed me the pink slip.