Change VS Challenge

The way I see it is I want something from you I’ll never get. Without me even labeling it, placing words to make a title of it or piecing pictures to make a memory, it will never work.

Lately I can’t compel myself to say those words to you, it’s as if my mind is stuck on relapse awaiting God’s glorious hands to pull me out my sin and save me from death. It’s funny because right now I have no idea where this is coming from or what it means, I’m just writing what I feel my heart and soul are telling me to say. Who knows, maybe its not to you, maybe what I am saying means something to another and I can’t find the time to label these words to an owner; then again, who really cares.

I feel as if we’re in between a revolving door because most times we speak out of anger which we then displace the meaning of and call it love, as if this is just molding us to know one another to the point of understanding but does it ever lead there?

This change, to be, will be a challenge for the both of us and I already know that I will not risk what will cause more harm than good. I’m just full of thoughts and emotions, full of rights and wrongs and words of hate that I can’t displace in the wrong manner because it may hurt you but what about me?

Everyone around me is somehow observed in there own world. My mom is content, my dad is proud, my sister is “ready” and my brother, well he’s simply confused but yet I am just in between, waiting; waiting for change and a challenge.

What I’m afraid of is losing myself within the change and giving up the fight before the challenge.

Pray for me.

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