Below are thoughts of how I feel for certain males in my life. No names are listed. Each little summary is as discreet as possible. More will be added as time goes on. Enjoy.
First and foremost, I have dreams of the younger you and never can understand why. Why I fascinate myself with childhood memories of us growing up together. Crazy, I know but you never will. See I’m happy and to you I’m just your little sister, one who spoke in another type of language when we first met; now I’m “proper” and things are different but we haven’t spoken verbally in ages. So everything is left unsaid.
Now you, damn you. You got my head spinning with craziness that I can never settle or ease. I have questions that ponder in my head of why I deal with your mess or take on the time to entertain your ridiculous games although we both know I’ve moved on. I guess that’s the reason; seems as though because I’ve moved on you’re stay trying to pull me closer. Why can’t some men let go of what they let go but decide to hold on to what has moved on? Guess I’ll never understand. But you see I play this game with you because I chose you to be my entertainment when he’s not around. Your conversations and silly jokes keep me laughing and my mind at ease from wondering why my love has gone away so long. That’s all you’re good for now because this “friendship” isn’t true and it won’t last for long; knowing you you’ll disappear and make it easier for the both of us.
One to the next one, you. We both know we can’t be more than friends and honestly if the opportunity presented itself, I would still only choose to be friends with you and nothing more. What can I say? You’re not my type nor do we share the same interest in things. You smoke, I hate smokers. You disrespect your mother, I find having a good relationship with your parent[s] is very important. You think you’re a bad ass, I think your way over your head. You believe that you’re ready to live on your own, I think you’re going to fall on your ass, bitch and moan and run back home to your mother; who you’re so ungrateful for. Push comes to shove, it will never happen. I call you when I find it convenient and no, that’s’ never a good reason but sometimes I have to hear a person’s voice in order for my own not to make me crazy. Oh and your words, “I’m going to steal you away from him”, means SHIT to me. Why? Because it’ll NEVER happen. Sorry. (More About You in Part 2)
Oh yes, you. Where to start? Well we meet socially. Friends became the title of our companionship, until feelings built on your side of the tower and started a ruckus. You have a girlfriend that you claim to love and want to marry, for that I am happy but you can’t seem to hold in what shouldn’t be let out. You’re a nice guy, just not for me nor ever will be because, plain and simple, you’re not my type. Friends is still a withering title that finds itself tipping off a ledge at times but when I need a shoulder, I know I have yours and that’s all that matters.
Oh boy, this should be fun and interesting. Don’t want to give small clues on who this fella may be but what I can say is the world “history”; we have it. Months built into years and our friendship grew as they all do. I was happy, you were that dude but things took a for the worst. Now were just hanging off a ledge, feet dangling and arms in pain from hanging on to what seems as a tiny spick of rock but we pretend we can, so we do. Um. It’s funny how things can change and how we can never change them back. To this day, I don’t know what I was thinking.
Yeah this guy. The ex. The heighted skyscraper of my life, not because the relationship was any good but because you were so damn tall. It’s funny, we didn’t actually have a long relationship, 2 months I think. In-between that time, we barely spoke, barely cared and barely noticed, so it all fell apart. But now, oh boy now; you see that I’m in a new relationship and your words turn into, “I miss you”, “I can’t mess up you’re relationship”, “Why did we break up?”. Men never fail to surprise me, they can be so pathetic at times. Truth is, I’m not interested anymore, time for you to move on but I’ll call you when I’m bored.
You are just a story in itself. We met through a mutual friend that met you through a mutual friend. The day I met you, I didn’t find any interest in you, I was too busy trying to do my hair and talk to a girlfriend of mine. We text. Nothing interesting. We talk about how I’m always “busy” and hating on the guy I’m dating but I can give less of a rat’s ass. You’re cool, light skin and would have been my type if I wasn’t particularly engaged. Then again, you bullshit too much. Never mind.
Stay tuned for Part 2!