I don’t know how I am right now. I don’t know how to feel, I just feel dead. You’d say I’m alive so I couldn’t know what dead people feel but if feeling dead means feeling lifeless, without emotions, cares or worries; I’m dead.
Yesterday was a busy day. I plan on telling him about it, planned on; will . . whatever. My morning was abrupt, too sudden; slept the following night 3 hours. My mom needed some help with my car and from then, I was awake. Then came the hole in the wall, caused by my mom who didn’t realize the wall was paper-thin but yet so hard to bore. Then the noise, the loud noise coming from the air vacuums or whatever they may be called, placed in by the people who are fixing the ceiling. Then the trip to the post office, the wait in the line to see the ONE working teller. Always fun to go, right? There after came the blank hedge in my memory that causes me to forget any part of my day, leaving me with only blurry scenery. I remember mowing the lawn, doing what guys do but better. Then slowly the day came to an end, ending with me seeing him but falling asleep waking to see nothing but a white screen in my face. It was awkward.
Things about me have hidden from me. Each morning I wake and forget to pray but curse at the sky for waking so early. My traits have slacked off, leaving me in a clustered room with no way of perfection with the cause of lack of space. I am not who I use to be but I have no one to blame but myself.
Things seem to run from my sight, preventing me, or the thought of me, because they are afraid I don’t know what I am doing. Maybe I don’t. My body is lifeless but yet I feel as if I am awaiting something to happen but, as if I’m staring through dust, nothing is clear just blurry.
What shall I do today? Start a new trend?
My plans are scarce, nothing new; all old but yet I work through them.
Today, I will get off my ass and chase down the girl I use to be because I hate who I’m becoming.