My room is a mess; it disgusts me but laziness sneaks in and over takes my body paralyzing every nerve that could be commanded to move. I call him, he’s studying, silently hoping he’d hear my heart’s cry from the other line but he was too preoccupied to care; I understood. I get selfish when I’m like this, like some kind of bomb ticks and switches on my Selfish Bitch, it just happens.
I don’t need to be sympathized or pitied over some bullshit, I’m responsible enough to own up to my own shit; my mess that was caused by a pest called Life, now watch while my sad heart digress. My path changes hoping to be directed into Heaven’s Gates but I lose the footing, glide off trail, washed away by my dry tears, my worst fears, my selfishness.
Those words are lies only a pure heart could see through them. There like broken glasses shattered to a million pieces from the saddest bitch on earth. Far from insanity, they scream in pain but no one ever hears them, like their trapped in a box with no holes, no air just darkness and demons.
The sad part is that I’m really okay. After I write this I’ll recover, my heart rate will stabilize, my mind clear but I’ll continue to cry inside hoping to never face my fears.