Why do I feel so ungrateful? Life itself is greatly appreciated but I lack necessities of happiness that truly make living worth while. Sometimes I feel like I’m ALMOST good enough, almost as if I was one sinless thought away from entering the gates of heaven. Truth is, we all know almost doesn’t count.
I’m almost happy; a heart as big as mine should gleam with happiness, instead it leaks love, compassion, sympathy and sadness. My brother is seemingly happy, enjoying life after a down fall, getting up after a 10 story jump off love, he’s just that strong. Why do I find myself envying him? Maybe envy isn’t the word. It’s just that although this new epiphany he has rolled into has brought him into higher heights, deeper depths; he still rejoices for the air he breathes. Giving thanks for simplicity, little limbs, even for his heart beat. With love comes mistakes, with mistakes comes newer judgement. After love he turned his path in life, in his case for the better, from my views far too quickly judged. He’s decided to head out to the Air Force in January, or so he says, wanting to give back to the world although all this world threw at him were heartaches.
Life is, among other things, a mystery; one mystery no one man or woman can solve on their own.
I am almost happy, almost ready to believe that I can be happy, almost ready to live.