Yesterday was it, the day I finally admitted to giving up on our friendship. Truth is, the thought of “starting over” kills me knowing 4 years of friendship went to waste.
Whats the point?
I’m sorry, I really am but wounds have already healed to scars but they take years to fade away; maybe we should start then. Or maybe we should bottle our emotions and send them in a bottle on the open blue sea, hoping it would find peace somewhere far away and start where we are. It’s not impossible, I just make it that way.
I’ve become adjusted to just having Alex in the spot you occupied; even with him being over 1,000 miles away, he fits right in. Never admitting it was bound to happen because my intentions were far beyond this impossibility, now that the impossible is possible, it makes me realize anything is possible and nothing last forever.
You’re emotions are flaring at me, upset beyond measures because they miss our friendship. I’m just not too sure if I miss you. Harsh but the truth hurts and I think it’s time we admit the truth because these lies are drowning me.
Alex keeps asking why I don’t want to see you and with no explanation I tell him there is no reason, truth is, there isn’t. I’m just too afraid to lay back on that table, allowing you to open me up and operate because this time, I may die but I don’t want to lose Alex nor do I want him to lose me.
Things are better this way. You’re emotions will subside and you’ll realize that things can’t ever be the same again.
From the past, I seek the present. In the present, I seek the future. I’ll always love you.