Maybe I’m being too open, too loving, too kind. Maybe I’m better off alone, cause this whole second guessing thing isn’t working.
I don’t know what this is anymore. What we’re doing; what I’m doing? I blame myself. Somehow I always get myself caught up in a mess, crazy thing is this is far from messy but even further from spotless.
I remember what you said to me, even if it was jokingly it still hit a nerve. It’s whatever though. What’s happening to them you see happening to us, it’s like you’re waiting on me to fuck up and for me to take the blame so you can trash talk me, grab your shit and head merrily on your way. Why wait so long? Just cut it short and get it over with because I don’t want to have to wait anymore.
My suitcase is halfway packed and my heart beats irregularly like it’s trying to tell me I’m making a mistake. Am I? This isn’t new, it’s starting to feel like everything I’ve ever knew except you’re not hitting me and my mouth is allowed to flare at anytime.
After I come visit for the holidays, our “i love you’s” will turn into “i hate you’s” and “I want you to leave”.
Maybe I’m too sensitive, too thoughtful, too desperate.
You second guess things that make you paranoid. Soon it’ll come down to me being questioned 24/7, you badgering me because of my past, never trusting me like you should.
I don’t know what’s right anymore.
Nothing makes sense and this is becoming far past pointless.
More like I’m wasting your time, here I am stuck in second guesses.