Second Guesses

Maybe I’m being too open, too loving, too kind. Maybe I’m better off alone, cause this whole second guessing thing isn’t working.

I don’t know what this is anymore. What we’re doing; what I’m doing? I blame myself. Somehow I always get myself caught up in a mess, crazy thing is this is far from messy but even further from spotless.

I remember what you said to me, even if it was jokingly it still hit a nerve. It’s whatever though. What’s happening to them you see happening to us, it’s like you’re waiting on me to fuck up and for me to take the blame so you can trash talk me, grab your shit and head merrily on your way. Why wait so long? Just cut it short and get it over with because I don’t want to have to wait anymore.

My suitcase is halfway packed and my heart  beats irregularly like it’s trying to tell me I’m making a mistake. Am I? This isn’t new, it’s starting to feel like everything I’ve ever knew except you’re not hitting me and my mouth is allowed to flare at anytime.

What next?

After I come visit for the holidays, our “i love you’s” will turn into  “i hate you’s” and “I want you to leave”.

Maybe I’m too sensitive, too thoughtful, too desperate.

You second guess things that make you paranoid. Soon it’ll come down to me being questioned 24/7, you badgering me because of my past, never trusting me like you should.

I don’t know what’s right anymore.

Nothing makes sense and this is becoming far past pointless.

More like I’m wasting your time, here I am stuck in second guesses.

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3 Comments

  1. I’m not going to jump in this like I know what’s going on. However, it sounds like I know how you feel, because I caused it in my woman. I judged my woman based off of her past relationship with me. I still do. What she’s done will never be forgotten. I kept waiting for her to fuck up again, because I swore I would break up with her. She finally fucked up, and I couldn’t break it off. I didn’t talk down to her, I did something worse (didn’t hit her). She knew how I felt though, and she asked me the same question, “Why wait? why wait until we are all the way down the line?” I didn’t have an answer. All I knew is that I wanted her at that moment because i loved her.

    Not really sure what you guys are going through, but I thought I’d type this up. Stick in there, go for the holidays, have fun, check him and see where his head is at. Pay attention to his hands when you talk. Guys like doing crazy shit with they’re hands when they are nervous, or lying lol.

    • LMAO..

      thats funny about the hands..

      I totally get that. With time all things will work itself out. Kinda already worked itself out this afternoon 🙂

      Hope all goes well with your relationship hun.

      • COOl! Yea, things are going well for now. I know it won’t stay that way for long.

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