The night ends quietly, far from how I expected but with this day comes this night. A few things pulsate my mind; my family, my life, our love. You know, the normal things. I guess each day is never the same after all.
Topic number one, my family.
What has changed? Well a few things. My brother moved back home for a while, we’re all seemingly happy and life is average. Untied we stand, divide we fall. My sister and I continue to bicker, what can I say, we both want the last word. I know, what would God do right? Well praying for her alone doesn’t seem to be working much so any plan b’s? My parents, well they love each other and that’s all that matters.
Oh well, it’s okay. Each day has its ups and downs, I continue fighting the urge to commit myself to the mad house and stay sane. It’s a miracle, I know. Life is hard in general, you win somr, you lose some; no one ever issued it to be easy so why pretend? It’s better off the way it is. My goal is to grow slow, die old, be merry..yana yana.
Standing 8 months. It’s tough but I guess that’s what comes with relationships, the secret indulging package of love. We have our doubts, some we secretly ponder on, others, well others are bluntly stated. Guess I just have to take things and learn to understand them. What more can I say? I feel love dormant, kind of like “I’m here but not really here” type thing. The distance kills me and I struggle to understand things nowadays and the craziest part is we’re not even married…so why am I pretending to be? I’ve watched love shattered before my eyes, now I’m scared to fully experience it. Scared that his doubts would become truths and our love would become hate. Scared. It’s whatever, I’m dashing away my hopes and dreams and just reading each word in this book slowly; that’s what I’m suppose to do any way right? Blame it on me. I just don’t see this beyond today or tomorrow. It’s wherever our hearts lead us from now on.
There you have it.
My hearts truths.
What my mouth can’t speak, my fingers are commanded to type.