I wrote him a “Dear John”, knowing that my intentions were far from “dear”, I did it anyway.
I wanted to see how he felt through his reaction. How he could operate under the pressure of losing me.
He took it hard.
I could imagine how his chest closed slowly as he read each word I said,
I wanted us to work, we tried and as much love as I have for you, it’s just not enough.There’s no one else and I don’t have a real reason behind this but I just feel this is the right thing to do, so I’m breaking up with you.I couldn’t dare call you and wake you up because I’m not worth losing sleep over.The thing is, I’m not happy with you and I think I’m better off on my own.Were better off apart.I just didn’t want to do this like this, not in an email, while you dream of what our lives could be in the future….
I entitled it, “I’m So Sorry” to seem as if I was disparately sorry but not sorry enough to not being able to call him to tell him this.
He probably thought how impossible this may have been because of our last conversation before bed. How we poured our hearts and left them lying on the table entwined together ready to be cemented in stone for all eternity.
In my head, I could see him about to throw things in each direction, the total opposite of how Bella vented. Although, I could imagine the emptiness he was about to feel.
What? You think I’m heartless?
I only did it to prove a point. He would never feel that pain again.
It was like a test I knew he wasn’t going to fail, at least hoped he didn’t, only if he loves me genuinely. He does!!
I just wanted to share this with you but I’m not advising that you try it, it may not turn out so lovely.