I slowly swipe the words, “How far away are you?” too afraid to press send; contemplating tricking my mind by slowly, but surely, “accidentally” pressing send.
Still too afraid of what a hug could lead to.
Tears. Hatred. Pain.
My heart and I rather not risk it.
Staring at the odd mixture of blue and peach on my room wall stir no thoughts, they only bounce back each emotion making it very hard to breath, hard to focus on anything other than the past.
I’ve been writing to you all morning, hoping you’d be urged to read this so you could understand.
Here I am, staring at these 5 words.
I can already play out how your “apology” would go. My eyes would pierce through you, stabbing your heart a million times until tears leaked unwilling down my cheeks; my mouth observing each salty drink as if I was tasting my own poison. You continue walking toward me, as I back into a room locking the door wishing I didn’t agree to this reuniting of the past and present.
It wouldn’t end well, I know that already.
I don’t want to see you.
Just let me forget.
As easy as it is to forget anything else, this is the hardest.
Please, let me forget.