I remember when we first stopped talking, how devastating it was for me. Unsure of how exactly you took the separation, only that you thought it was a “good idea”. I dreaded the thought of losing you, we were in an inseparable friendship. Hurtful part was, you knew that but you broke it anyway.
When I sent you a long heart-felt message explaining how I felt, you told me you didn’t think it was a good idea to be friends. Hurt but knowledgeable enough to understand why, I stupidly agreed.
The longest I could ever possibly stay mad at you was for a few hours and after we squashed it, we’d pretend like nothing happened. Our friends was just that strong. Jokes were made when we told our friends we weren’t speaking, they all thought the feud wasn’t going to last, knowing it was so common for us to fuss and argue but reunite within mins, unfortunately they were wrong that time.
These were the longest hours of my life. Almost two months, to calculate that into hours would cause a headache so I’ll let you figure it out. I waited for you to give in, to call, to text, just so we could be happy again, back to normal.
And even though I knew I could have been the bigger person, I blamed you and wouldn’t release the thought of apologizing.
But here we are. You texted me. Finally.
I thought and tried to figure out why I still had the urge to reject you, to push you out of my life completely…then I remembered.
You didn’t apologize.
As simple as that may sound, it would have meant a lot. Two heart-felt, sincere words is all I want to hear.
Never did you think to say you were sorry, never did you choose to remember that you hurt me, that I hated you because of what you did to me, TO US!
I forgave you.
But it never erased the pain it craved into my heart. The thought of what could have been possible but never to be born because of a sudden sharp death.
I need you to say it.
And mean it.
You may never read this but if somehow you do…just know that I need you to do this..