A War I Can’t Win..

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Sometimes the thought of living pushes me into a state of depression. Just to think that I have to repeat a day, just like this one, makes me want to give up..

As you all may know, I took a semester off of college. I did start school but decided to switch so I wanted to start fresh. Each day, I’m left home to do chores, meaning to clean a big mess that my mom, dad, & sister caused. Fun. There’s things I have to do like dishes, sweep/mom, laundry, dust, blah blah.. it didn’t bother me as much as first because I did understand my parents worked and sister had school. Blah. Now, however, its becoming a pain in the ass.

My mom came home today and was in her regular “tired mood” wanting to come cook and lay down. She doesn’t cook everyday so she was heading straight to bed. After telling her a bit about my day she heads to the kitchen then upstairs.

SIDENOTE! Earlier, around 9am, she told me to spread her bed bc she forgot to, I said okay and hurried off the phone because I didn’t want to be packed with issh to do. I should have spread it then but felt too comfortable and sat in front of the computer. When she arrived home, the bed still wasn’t spread, it was my fault, I totally understand that.

After being yelled at for the bed, she decides to blab on about how lazy I am and I should get a job, blah blah blah…it pissed me off.

The cause of my anger came from the fact that me being home automatically gave me the ocupation of being the stay at home maid. I have to do shit loads of dishes, sweep/mop, and among other things a basket full of laundry. Its hard. My complaints are more pushed towards the laziness of eveyone else. My mom is tired, understandable, my dad really doesn’t do much anyway but my sister she gets to play the, “I’m in the magnet program & I have a lot of homework” card. WHAT?! NO!!

I don’t want to be at home cleaning after everyone but because I have no other choice, I have to and I don’t see that as being fair. Even when I try to express how I feel about the matter, what I say is STILL not important. I keep saying that I wonder how its going to be when I’m an hour away and this house isn’t in order..ugh!

I had to vent to the world bc this is a war I can’t win…my only escape is running away or death. You choose for me.

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