A Heart That Never Stops Beating

This Morning

kemimarie — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:54:07 +0000

On the way to work. On a bus filled with new people with a few faces too scattered to remember. Its wet out, no sun just mist and clouds. My ears hum along to “No Church in the Wild”, ironically because the rappers are far from my favorite. Next song. Note to self: rearrange play list. On the way to the hospital to catch another bus just to go a little further. Almost there. At least I’m warm. Early but on time. Purposely missed one but and in less than 5 minutes another comes up. “Look What You’ve Done” plays, now I wish I had louder headphones. Good Morning New York, how’s it going?

The Masked Truth

kemimarie — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 22:30:53 +0000

Distance stood between them. He, with his hands hung long and face speaking words his mouth never pierced to open, staring at her. She, stood coldly in front of him, at first meeting his stabbing eye contact while trying to find the truth but, all at the same, comforting herself with lies to buy time. They were not “them”, and yet they were there pretending to search for what was missing. They knew the truth, she better than him but he could care less what she was thinking or how she felt, for his mind was far from where his body stood. The silence was broken and the ear bleeding truth began flapping its wings and flew for the first time, “She is to you what I can never be.” He looked distraught, stunned as if the words took the dear life he had out of his body but silently continuing standing knowing she only speaks truth. Carrying on, her head now bowed showing shame but her words spoke pride, “But for me, he is to me what you will never be.” Those words he never knew. He expected her to take blame for all that went wrong with them, never considering that she found a way out. Selfish bastard. The tables were turn, the earth continued circulating and with that she walked away; taking her broken soul and wasted time with her. Their love was never true and will never be rekindled.

Questions

kemimarie — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 15:49:20 +0000

She was hoping for answers but not looking forward to being sympathized with. She just wished he wasn’t who he was and that she didn’t feel the way she felt. It was all so surreal. This guy, the one she couldn’t bury beneath the earth with her past, would not stop appearing in her thoughts; speaking words in her mind. To her, love was a sin that clenched too hard to the skin, sinking each letter within the thin layer of the skin human’s posses. All she ever wanted was the truth but like a fool she stood awaiting the man. Far from what she wanted, she found herself contemplating loving a man that will never love her or letting the man that never truly exist go?

True Never Told

kemimarie — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:32:55 +0000

She’s loving a stranger. A guy that finds no time for her nor time for her needs; just him and his love for human destruction. She ponders on reasons that may explain how she found the time to love a man who only took his time to love things that would only kill him; drugs, greed and hatred. In his eyes he’s living it good, a life with all that he wants. To him, she was a toy he would play with in his free time, busy work. A man like him shouldn’t be in control of a heart so pure as hers but you would wonder how a girl like her ending up with such an ungrateful man. Even she can not answer that question. Love takes you to places you can never understand. It holds you captive even after you have forcefully let it go. She left him but her love for him never left her. Now she wonders how he feels, was it as real for him as it was for her? Or was she just a lustful sin along his lifelong path? She will never know.

Sweet Story

kemimarie — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 02:22:29 +0000

Tell me a sweet story, begin it with you the day you were meeting me. Tell me of your hopes and dreams, reminiscing on our soon to be memories. Speak of our home and children, I say I want two but we’d end up with three. Tell me a sweet story, laugh and hold my hands I plea. Kiss my forehead oh so softly, hold me close don’t set me free. Tell me a sweet story, love me now and forever it’ll be. Whisper words of this story, softly to me as I sleep.

Completing the Puzzle

kemimarie — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 02:17:37 +0000

Please forgive me for the way I speak to you, for the way I mistreat you in times of stress or otherwise. Please forgive me for at times not thanking you for all that you’ve done and all that you are continuing to do for me. I know I am so unworthy to be with you but I truly appreciate you for accepting to be apart of me, to console and comfort me. Please continue to love and care for me, continue to mold into me, completing me. Please forgive me for pushing you away, neglecting your feelings and doubting this could be real. God knows I love you, I appreciate you for all that you do. You are my friend before my lover, you are my heart and my soul and I can not wait for the day that you will be mine for the rest of eternity. As I have said today, you are my peace but I have not mentioned to you that you are also my joy, my heart and apart of my soul. Thank you James Randall, you complete me.

New Year

kemimarie — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 05:51:30 +0000

Watching tears fall out her tiny eyes, her mouth beginning to dry as my stomach flops and turns from hunger. She is weak, stressed, lost in the world with no one to trust nor to comfort her. I know this is no longer about me, its about her; my heart, my reason for living. The minutes ticked past 12 and I realized how alone I am in this world. My strength is fading, my faith hanging close to the ledge. God is only watching us, not with us because if He was truly here, He wouldn’t allow so many things to venture as far as it is now. I hugged her, held on to her for my dear life as her pants and chest raised and tears smudged my cheeks. She feels as if the world is against her but I feel as if she’s only against herself. Right now, my life is only full of sorrow, tears, chest pains and stress and yet, this is how I start the year.

2011 in review

kemimarie — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:38:26 +0000

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,700 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 45 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Better Me

kemimarie — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:51:37 +0000

The tears begin to build and my emotions start to jumble as the loud echoing silence fills my mind. I miss having my best friend. Right about now, he would pick up my phone call and half listen to all the mess I have clustered in my head and stay until I fall asleep. He’s here tonight, on the other end of my phone at least, just in time to make things a little better. But by tomorrow morning, all of my sorrow will turn into sunshine and my pain will melt into laughter. I just wish I could find the me that didn’t need you because in times like this, this chick gets really annoying.

No Excuse

kemimarie — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 15:44:38 +0000

Honestly, I don’t know what possessed me to act the way I displayed but God knows I’m embarrassed both internally and externally. No excuse could tamper my actions to the distant nor degree that I have carried it out to. I’ve crossed the line, I know. My tantrums have set off alarms and wounded feelings that I care so very much for and for this, again, I must apologize. It’s sad to know that who I want to blame, rather who may be the cause, has not placed a gun to my head and ordered me to do anything; therefore who is to blame is me. People allow the past to corrupt, not only their own future but, the lives and futures of others. Very similar to how I am corrupting our future and the future of our unborn children.

I love you.

I do.

Maybe the problem at hand is that need to love myself more.

In hopes that this break of ours will help mend what has been broken within us, I am wholeheartedly devoting this time to fighting my own demons and praying that all that is within me that does not fit you will be released.

You don’t deserve the mistreatment. Although we are only human, that is still not an excuse.